A List of Thoughts from my Second Month of Motherhood.
Some thoughts on motherhood, from my second month of being a mother.
I’ve gotten super good at math, but very specific math. Like, it’s 4:30, she ate at 3, and will need to eat again by 6, how much laundry* can I do before she wakes up? *and by laundry I obviously mean how many episodes of Brooklyn 99 can I watch
Breastfeeding isn’t so bad. I hated it at first. SO much. But we’ve gotten past the pain and the hour-long feeds (and I’ve gotten better at snacking simultaneously) and I don’t dread it like I did before. Small victories!
I never know what day it is anymore. Is it Tuesday? Saturday? No way to know. All the days are the same.
I love her so much. Like, I loved her the whole time obviously, but the more we hang out the more I become obsessed with her. I look at pictures of her when she’s sleeping next to me. I kiss her tiny face a thousand times a day. She’s seriously the best.
There’s still so much laundry.
Baby crying doesn’t bother me anymore. She usually has to cry for 3-5 minutes (sometimes more, sometimes less) before she falls asleep. Sometimes she has to cry while I finish drying my hair, or feeding the dogs, or just because I need a break. And I’m pretty ok with it. Sometimes I feel like I should feel bad about that. But I don’t haha She’s ok. And I’m not into the whole “mom guilt” thing.
There’s nothing sadder than when she outgrew her first outfit.
Baby smiles really do make it all worth it. Seeing her smile is seriously the best feeling in the world. Her starting to smile and react to us has changed our relationship so much. It’s like we’re buddies instead of a person and a needy skin sack.
It’s weird how much her face has changed in 2 months. How does someone’s face change so much so fast!?
It gets so much easier. People told me that but it’s hard to believe them during those first insane, sleepless, anxiety-filled weeks. But it’s true. You get into a rhythm, you find a routine, you take them in public the first time and they don’t contract leprosy and you realize things might just be ok and this new life is actually kind of fun.
Zoloft is still amazing.
Post-baby body stuff is weird. My whole body shape is different now. I gained 50 pounds while I was pregnant and lost 20 right away, but the rest of it has just hung on. People said breastfeeding would help me lose it. They lied. Breastfeeding makes it a thousand times harder because every time I try to start eating better and working out my milk supply drops. So I feel like I’m stuck in this awful dead-end, where none of my clothes fit and I hate how I look (I know I shouldn’t, but I do, I’m working on it) but I can’t do anything about it. It’s very discouraging and frustrating and makes me angry.
There’s a lot of good shows on Netflix. And Hulu. And Amazon Prime. I know because I’ve watched them all in the last 2 months. Literally. All of them.
I’m kind of looking forward to going back to work. I’m absolutely loving all this time we have together, but I think I’ll be a better mom long-term when I have other outlets. I think if I was home all day with her every day I’d go insane (and spend ridiculous amounts of money at Target unnecessarily). But I think I’ll appreciate and enjoy the time we have together more when it’s a luxury and not an everyday expectation.
I never realized how much my days and sleep and productivity could revolve around another person’s sleep schedule. It’s weird to have so little control over your own life.
I get why people have more than one now. A month ago I could never have imagined being pregnant again. But now I get why people do it. They just get so big so fast! And tiny babies are the best.