A List of Thoughts from My First Month of Motherhood
Some thoughts on motherhood, after my first month of being a mother. I will intersperse pictures of Leo just for fun and because I have SO many.
Having a baby is way better than being pregnant. Like SO much better. I feel like a brand new person! I can walk more than 3 feet without getting winded, I can bend over, I can roll over in bed. It’s the best!
No one told me about postpartum night sweats. Every night I wake up drenched. Like, log flume ride on a 90 degree day drenched. It’s gross. And I have to shower every day or else I smell weird. I didn’t even shower every day before I had a baby!
Babies make so much laundry.
Breastfeeding is the worst. I know, it’s supposed to be this amazing time of bonding and you’re providing magical perfect milk that your body makes just for your baby, blah blah blah. I don’t care, it’s awful. It hurts, it’s constant, and (for us at least) takes FOREVER. Sometimes, by the time we’re done it’s time to start again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to do it for as long as I can (I mean, not a weird amount of time, just a normal amount of time) because I know how great it is. And we’re super fortunate because we can, she doesn’t have any issues or allergies or whatnot. But I still think it’s the worst.
On a similar note, the best thing we’ve ever done is getting her used to a bottle early! I pump throughout the day and then Ben can do at least one (sometimes more!) of the nighttime feedings. Or even the daytime feedings. It makes SUCH a difference for my mental state to 1) get sleep and 2) know someone else can feed her sometimes.
Some days I can’t imagine how my life was before Leo and I really love hanging out with her and taking care of her. But some days I think, “Oh my gosh what did I do and how is this my life now and it’s forever and everything feels insane.” And that’s ok, too. Because my life IS different forever now and that kind of big change is hard.
Spit up is still gross. Like, so gross. And it’s everywhere. All the time.
I really thought I’d have lost more of this pregnancy weight by now. I’m not sure why. It’s one of those stereotypical post-pregnancy things that everyone has a hard time losing the “baby weight.” So I have no clue why it never occurred to me this would happen. I still have about 30 pounds to lose before my old clothes will fit, which means I currently have almost no clothes that fit. It’s a real bummer…that I definitely should’ve seen coming haha
I had no idea that baby flatulence is so loud and so funny and so cute all at the same time.
Zoloft is magical. Our first week home from the hospital I cried almost every day, I couldn’t sleep, I was certain that she was constantly dying, and I was certain that I was constantly dying. Once the Zoloft kicked in my life was magically different. Like overnight. I’m still anxious and worried sometimes, but it’s manageable and I can sleep, which also makes everything better.
It’s true that you think your own baby is the cutest thing in the world. Sometimes, when she’s sleeping, I look at pictures of her because I miss her and her little face.
I still love my dogs. I don’t worry about them as much (that’s been replaced by worrying about Leo, obviously) but I still love them! However, I can also understand why people get rid of their dogs post-baby. I mean I would never, and I do think it’s irresponsible to ditch your dog once you have a baby, but dogs AND a baby feel like a LOT of work when you’re already so overwhelmed trying to figure out the baby stuff.
I love Leo. So much. But I didn’t have an overwhelming outpouring of love and emotion when I had her. Some people go on and on about how they never felt love like this and it was so amazing and emotional. And that’s great for them. But that just wasn’t my experience. And I felt sort of bad about it for awhile, but then I realized that everyone is different and their reactions and experiences are different and it doesn’t mean I don’t love my baby just as much as they do.
I now have a lot of weird resentment toward people who get to sleep as much as they want, whenever they want. I watch TV shows and people are just sleeping all night and waking up whenever they want and I hate them a little bit.
There is nothing cuter than tiny baby outfits.
It’s crazy how quickly you get used to baby cries. Before, that noise would’ve driven me insane. I wouldn’t have been able to think or talk or do anything else. Now I can bounce a screaming baby while still watching a tv show and having a full conversation at the same time.
No one knows anything about babies. At least not definitively. For every expert opinion there’s 2 more that completely oppose it. This makes it very difficult to figure out what to do with your new baby, especially when you have no idea and you just want someone to tell you what to do.
Meal trains are the most incredible things anyone has ever invented. Not having to figure out what we’re eating every night is SO helpful. Your brain is already so overloaded with all of these new things while also being more tired than you’ve ever been, there’s just no more room for anything else. Having people just bring you food is such a huge relief.